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How To Have a Happy Home
Successfully Structuring and Sharing Your Safe Space
By youniqorn Posted in Emotional Health, Happiness, Home, Lifestyle, Management, Organization on 0 Comments 34 min read
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TL;DR

  • Home is where the heart is. Your home is your sanctuary from the world and it’s not just important, but necessary to cultivated into a space where you feel safest, happiest, and most protected.
  • This cultivation is twofold: the actual space itself and, more importantly, the occupants of that space. If you are not/never genuinely happy with those you live with, then it is not your home but your house. You should genuinely want to dwell with those in your happy home, not simply tolerate them. This includes friends and family.
  • If you are in a living situation that is stressful or does not bring you genuine peace, excitement, and release, you’re not in the right place and you need to start working on getting there.
  • Make sure your home is yours. There’s an unmatched layer and level of freedom (and, consequently, peace of mind) when you’re living in your own home/apartment versus someone else’s (your parents/guardians/friends)
  • Start aggressively saving for your own space and create another stream of income for yourself to expedite the process. Stay extremely focused and encouraged to to get your own place if you don’t have one already. Keep your eyes on the end goal. Read How To Manage Your Money: Learn Common Cents for a more thorough breakdown on getting your finances on the up and up.
  • Create a vision board for your happy home. Don’t hold back/sell yourself short in this. Your dreams and wishes are one aspect of yourself you should never put restrictions on. If you can think it, someone can build it. Remember that.
  • Decorate your home’s spaces in ways that energize and restore with energizing colors like yellow, blue, and green that mimic the effects of the sun, sky, and trees, respectively.
  • Decide on how much space is ideal for you (not too big, not too small, with enough dedicated rooms to accommodate all fundamental aspects of your lifestyle including recreation, etc.).
  • Use Pinterest to collect ideas and inspiration from others on how to decorate, structure and organize your home and all the spaces that it encompasses.
  • Choose those who share your space with carefully. This is more a precaution and an instance in which prevention will always be better than cure. So, carefully consider who you move in with or who you allow to move in with you (especially when it comes to romantic/sexual partners).
  • Set fundamental rules and boundaries which everyone involved can not only live with (which is essentially tolerance) but actually embrace and appreciate because they understand and value the need for those rules and boundaries. This is where “living compatibility” comes in. This sets expectations from the get-go so no one is surprised or shocked down the line by what you want/allow and what you don’t. Allowing everyone to have a say and be heard is fundamental, otherwise, it’s more of a dictatorship and if that’s what’s most comfortable for you, you’re better off living by yourself.
  • Openly discuss disagreements and differences without hostility/allowing your frustration to get the better of you. Again, if you feel you are better suited for solo living, it’s better to be honest with yourself and be happy instead of browbeat yourself and those you live with (the exception is if you have dependent/minor children).
  • Stay busy and enjoy life. When you’re idle/bored, you will find fault in a space and with the people in it that otherwise make you happy.

Home is where the heart is. It sounds cliché as hell, but that’s because it’s true. Your home is your sanctuary from the world, or at least, it should be. It’s not just important, but necessary to cultivate it into a space where you feel safest, happiest, most protected, and free. There is generally no other physical place that will offer you the ongoing, continuous and consistent peace, joy, and happiness that your home will. It is where you will spend a significant portion of your life so it is to your detriment if it’s not the best place in the world to you. The intentional cultivation of a happy home will allow you to more efficiently build the life you want by building the person you want to become.

This cultivation is twofold or has two main aspects to it: the actual, physical space of your home itself and, more importantly, the occupants of that physical space. Before we go any further, it’s fundamental to truly understand and come to terms with the fact that if you are not/never genuinely happy with those you live with, then the physical space you share with them is not your home but your house. You should genuinely want to dwell with those in your happy home, not simply tolerate them. This includes friends and family. While this is difficult for a lot of people to acknowledge and a hard pill to swallow, indeed, it is the simple truth and it is only to your own benefit to embrace it rather than be in denial of it. If you are in a living situation that is stressful or does not bring you genuine peace, excitement, and release, I hate to break it to you, but you’re not in the right place and you need to start actively working on getting there. Like, right away. Being happy and, having a happy home by extension, is not at all about making the best of a shitty situation. The Youniqorn mindset is one of genuine happiness, abundance, freedom, greatness, and getting the very best of what you truly desire, not settling for less than what you aspire to. Do not be content with settling for less than you really want. Trying to make the best out of a bad situation will never be remotely equal to enjoying the hell out of an absolutely fantastic one. That’s just that. And no amount of trying to convince or console yourself with sweet nothings to believe otherwise will make that any less true—or change it. If you want a happy home, you have to be intentional. You have to truly want it. Bad. When you want something badly enough, you will go the extra mile—and then some—to get it and won’t stop until you do.

  1. Make sure your home is yours.

    There is an unmatched layer and level of freedom (and, consequently, peace of mind and power) you possess when you’re living in your own home (mansion, studio, apartment, condo, townhouse, duplex, cottage) versus someone else’s (your parent’s/guardian’s/friend’s/significant other’s). Anyone who has moved into an apartment, bought a home or even gone off to live on their own for the very first time (university/college) knows this and the appeal and level of freedom that comes with that. That sentiment never loses its magic and, no matter how old you get or what phase of life you’re in, nothing supersedes that feeling of personal freedom. The freedom to be yourself, to do what you want, when you want, how you want, and where you want is the foundation of a happy home. You cannot have happiness without freedom on a fundamental level. And you do not and cannot have the same freedoms and liberties with something that belongs to someone else as what belongs to you. In your own home, you do not have to ask for permission, follow anyone else’s rules or even guidelines, or live by and meet the expectations of others. You can go to bed and wake up without anyone questioning why you’re doing so at the times you choose, make your dinner butt naked, use the bathroom with the door open, eat/snack in your bed if you choose to, not have to work around the schedules and necessities of anyone but yourself, etc. In fact, when you have your own place and experience the freedoms, challenges, and responsibilities that come with the ownership and maintenance of your physical slice of the world, it allows you to come into your own; to grow and step up and learn more about yourself and become more self-aware. This is an integral part of being a Youniqorn. It’s not so much “adulting” as it is actively building the person you want to become.

    If you do not have your own physical space yet, start aggressively saving for it. And I mean, aggressively. Like, today. Do not be lax about this and treat it as though your life depends on it. Because, in truth, it does. At least, if you want to start living the life of your dreams. Remember: the only person who can make them come true is you. Manage your money meticulously and prioritize getting your own place—which will become your palace. Create another stream of income for yourself to expedite the process. This is crucial if you are going to realize your many potentials. Getting your own home—and making it happy—is not free. Acknowledge what attaining this is going to require from you financially, emotionally, physically and mentally. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it and no one would feel the need to have roommates or go back to living with their parents. While you’re saving, living with others is a smart way to go about better managing your money but that has to be a means to an end, not the end itself—unless, of course, that’s what you want. Living with your parents or having roommates should be a transitional phase that you go through to get you to your happy home. If you find, however, that living with roommates or your parents is, in fact, your ideal of a happy home, and much prefer that to having your own place, then it is fundamental and important to do what is best for you, both the person you are and want to become, and where you are mentally and emotionally in your life. Everyone’s happy home won’t look the same and your ideal of a happy home can change multiple times over the course of your life depending on who you have chosen to become at those varying points. Creating another stream of income is not only vital for acquiring your happy home as it affords you another layer of freedom via financial security which allows you more opportunity to become more of yourself. Depending on how much you need to save for your happy home, you may need anywhere from 1 to 5 additional streams of income. Remember not to overwhelm yourself or try to do everything at once. That will only lead to burnout which will lead to inaction, procrastination, discouragement and delays. You don’t need that. You don’t want that. So, start with one additional stream of income at a time and be consistent. That is the most important thing. Consistency is key. Consistency is king and queen, prince and princess. Consistency is what will allow you to win at life. Hour for hour, the most efficient way to create an additional income stream is online. There are so many ways to make money online and you would be remiss not to try at least one of them. One of the best ways to do so is to turn your hobby into your hustle since that is something you’re already passionate about, do regardless and have experience in so you are likely good at it to some extent. And, if you find value in that hobby, chances are, someone else does as well and is likely willing to pay you for your investment in it. Stay extremely focused and encouraged during this process. The more focused you are, the faster you will get results. This does mean that other things in your life may have to take a backseat temporarily. This also means that you may have to say “no” more often: no to invites to hang out with friends, no to miscellaneous/window shopping/retail therapy, no to eating out as often as you would like, no to unnecessary expenses, and even no to taking on a brand-new hobby/venture for the time being. Don’t think of this as punishing yourself, it’s not. You are simply forfeiting certain pleasures and prospects short-term for far more in the near future. And, when that time comes, it will be well worth it—and then some. Keep your eyes on the end target and do not get distracted or allow others to distract or sway you from saving for your happy home. You will be so much better off for it.

  2. Create a vision board for your happy home.

    Like a lot of things, in order to manifest what you want, you first have to be able to visualize it. Doing so in your head is a good and natural starting point, however, having something tangible that actually exists and you can literally see is far more powerful. Don’t hold back or sell yourself short during this process. Your dreams and wishes are one aspect of yourself you should never place restrictions on. Don’t be afraid to want outrageously. Wanting more for yourself, especially if it is far more than those around you want for themselves, is not greedy. Do not buy into that fallacy and “settler’s” mindset. You gain nothing when you don’t demand anything. Closed mouths don’t get fed. Closed minds don’t get ahead. So, when you don’t demand much, even of yourself, you won’t get much. Notice how people who have a lot tend to demand a lot. Be one of those people. Allow your vision to be as grand as it can be—and then some—and create a vision board to reflect that grandeur. You can create either a physical or digital vision board. Ideally, you would have both. A digital vision board will be much easier to update and amend as time goes on and you learn more about yourself, the person you want to become, and therefore, the type of happy home you want. Use apps like Pinterest for this and glean inspiration and ideas from others. The social element will also encourage you to want to work consistently, smarter and more efficiently so that you too can attain your goal of a happy home faster. So, dream big, and make your vision board even bigger. If you can think it, someone can build it. Remember that.




  3. Design and decorate your home’s spaces in ways that energize and restore.

    You do not have to wait to get your dream home to start practicing this. Whatever housing stage and situation you are in, designing your personal space and physical environment in a way that sets you up for happiness and, by virtue, success, is a great daily life enhancer and fantastic habit to adopt. Pick shades of energizing colors like yellow, blue, and green that mimic the effects of the sun, the sky/ocean, and trees, respectively. Color therapy is powerful and very much a real thing. There is a reason companies and brands take time to choose their website, logo and overall branding colors carefully and intentionally. This is because different colors evoke varied emotions and communicate different things. You can generally never go wrong with the three aforementioned because they are inherent to nature and life as we know it. There is no life without the sun. There is no life without plants. There is no life without the sky and the ocean. So, incorporate these colors to literally bring life into your home. These colors will enhance your mood and make you much happier every time you see them and, because you will associate the colors to the spaces in your home, you will associate your elevated mood with those spaces in your home—as it should be in a happy one. Wall art and decorations that relax you and simultaneously engage your imagination and creativity are fantastic pieces to have in your home’s spaces. Allow your own personal style and unique sense of expression to shine through in your home. Remember, this is your space and you have worked for and earned it. Decorate it according to the person you want to become. It’s fine to glean inspiration and ideas from the tastes of others, but don’t ever feel like your home has to be decorated in a certain way or that you have to mimic/emulate someone else’s style verbatim in order to feel like you have “made it” or need to fit into a particular social class or group. Your happy home is yours and should reflect you, not somebody else and certainly not somebody you do not intend to become. Play around with printable wall art and different designs and even feel free to change up your style based on seasons and times of year. Again, you have total freedom to do this with your space, so take full advantage of that freedom. Decorate your home in a way that you would much rather be there than anywhere else in the world majority of the time. Let your happiness and creativity shine through in your physical space so that when you’re in it, it makes you happy all over again, creating a positive feedback loop in your brain that keeps you happy on an ongoing basis. It will make you even happier and more empowered to know that you are the one responsible for decorating your home into the masterpiece it is; not only a valuable skill that you can turn into a hustle, but an absolute act of self-care. Doing something to elevate your mood and make you happy in a healthy and positive way is the best thing you can do for yourself.

  4. Decide on how much space is ideal for you in your home.

    Adequate space is necessary but not everybody wants to live in a mansion (even when they can well afford to). There is such a thing as too much space, but that is entirely up to you. If you want a six-bedroom home, do not allow the limitations of others have you settle for a four or three-bedroom home. This is not about other people’s interpretations of excess or greed. It is about what you want for yourself, ideally. And, if that happens to be a mansion, then that’s your ideal and what you should go for since you will be the one working to attain and maintain it, when it’s all said and done. Again, the point is to choose what is ideal for you (not your parents, not your friends, not your social group/circle, not random people on the Internet, etc.). Your ideal will be someone’s excess and, at the same time, someone else’s inadequate. You’re not doing this for anyone else but you. Remember that. Think about the lifestyle you want to have and the person you want to become in your happy home and take that into consideration when deciding on the overall size and number of dedicated rooms to accommodate all aspects of your lifestyle including recreation, starting/growing your family, potential future business ventures, and, most importantly, your core personality. Your happy home should be the space where you thrive the most and can be the most honest, transparent and vulnerable version of yourself. Use apps like Trulia and Zillow to browse housing listings and get a better sense of what you’re looking for by looking at the actual pictures and pricing and watch YouTube videos of home tours in the place(s)/city/country you intend to live in. It’s not enough, however, to simply look at houses online. Make it habit and even something of a hobby to go “window shopping” for homes. Get a good and practical feel for different types of homes and spaces. The this will give you a truer sense of what it will feel like living in those spaces. A picture may be worth a thousand words, but actual, first-hand experience trumps all. This is a hobby you can absolutely still keep up with even after attaining your own physical home. Depending on how much you enjoy it, you may find it to be something you might want to create a business out of and help others find their happy homes. Residential real estate is a lucrative business as everyone needs a home (shelter)—and that will never change.

  5. Use apps like Pinterest to collect ideas and inspiration from others on how to decorate, structure, and organize your home and all the spaces that it encompasses.

    Pinterest is a fantastic visual search engine that allows you to create boards of images and videos of various topics of your interest so that you have a massive resource and reference point of everything you are looking for for your happy home all in one place. You can create multiple vision boards for multiple aspects of your happy home and update them as often as you would like/need. I recommend you create a separate Pinterest board for each room/area of your happy home so that each space has intention and thought behind how it is decorated, structured and organized. You will see this intention every time you step into each room of your home. A well-thought-out home is visually evident and you will see it—as will others. Your happy home should be a point of pride and a source of happiness for you. So, put in the work and thought up front and you will reap boundlessly from your efforts.

  6. Choose those you share your space with carefully.

    This is probably the most important rule and applies to life, in general, and should be heeded if you intend to win at life. This is as much a precaution as it is an aim—and an instance in which prevention will always be better than cure. You might not have much of an option in who you share your space with if you do not have your own home (which is why it is vital that you work diligently on getting to that point sooner than later) but when you do have your own home, you now have the freedom and power to choose. You do yourself the greatest disservice if you take the pains to build for yourself but then choose someone or multiple people who will (either intentionally or inadvertently) destroy what you have built. As they say, you never know someone until you live with them. That could not ring truer. This is one of the reasons they say don’t live with your friends. This pillar of having a happy home is even more important than the physical home itself because it will determine your day-to-day, long-term happiness in that space. The novelty of any physical, in animate environment or object will wear off like anything else. What keeps your home happy is the energy within your home. If negative, toxic or unhappy people occupy a space, even if it is the most visually beautiful of mansions, the home will inherit that energy and, in turn, exude it. Needless to say, that will not be a happy home. No matter how physically stunning it is, if the energy within it is not positive, optimistic, vibrant and good, it can never be your sanctuary. It can never be a place of freedom. It can never be a truly safe space. And it can never be a happy home.

    You cannot control the behaviors and choices of others. You can influence people, certainly, with your own behavior, choices and Younique powers, but you cannot force anyone to do or be anything other than what they want to do or be. You only have that power over yourself. So, you have to be extra cautious about who it is you invite into and allow to dwell in your home, both temporarily/short-term and permanently/long-term. There are certain people who should never step foot into your home. There are people who should never even be guests in your home. When you allow individuals with certain (read unwanted) energies into your safe space, they intoxicate that space with their negativity, mental limitations, and unchecked emotional baggage. This is why it’s so important to become self-aware and know not just who you are at the moment but who you want to become so that you seek out those traits and characteristics in others and avoid those people who don’t align with where you are going in life or even straight out contradict it. Allow only those who will skyrocket your net worth financially, emotionally, physically and mentally in your happy home, not make it plummet. If a person is not enhancing and enriching (i.e., adding to) your life in all fundamental aspects of it, do not have them in your happy home. Period. Again, it is better—and much easier—to recognize these negative characteristics and avoid them and the people who possess them up front than try to clean up and pick up the pieces in the broken aftermath of the inevitable dissolution of a negative relationship.

    Ideally, you will have already forged happy, healthy and heartfelt relationships with the individual(s) you wish to share your happy home with. So, carefully consider who you move in with or who you allow to move in with you. This is especially true when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships. For heterosexual, bisexual and fluid women, in particular, do not move in with a man or allow a man to move in with you unless you are both truly on the same page and unless the man is committed to you, your welfare and well-being and upgrading your life financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Do not fall into the trap of being or living with someone who only ticks off one or two of those fundamentals. That’s doing nothing but the absolute bare minimum. They must check them all off, otherwise, you will run into issues sooner or later, but likely sooner. Again, do not be afraid to demand more, and that includes demanding more from those who wish to be in your life and in your home. Never sell yourself short on this. Be extremely wary of parasites, sponges and leeches who seek only to benefit from what you have already built and have no intention of building themselves or adding equal to or greater than what you have already created for yourself.
    Because of social conditioning and norms, this is especially true if you are a woman and the other person is a man. A man has more privilege than a woman, in general, and patriarchy is still well and alive and very much universal, so, if you can build and do for yourself to the extent that you have and continue to, any man worth your salt and precious, limited time should be able to do the same or, at the very least, be willing and committed to actually doing it (not just saying they will do it and conveniently never actually getting around to follow up their words with action). Seriously, stay away from bums. They will do nothing but drag you down to your ankles and suck you dry of every virtuous thing you possess (your Younique powers, your confidence, your esteem, your value, your emotions, your physical, mental, and emotional energies, your femininity, your excitement, your positivity and optimism, your overall spark, your money, your investments, your work, and, most importantly, your most valuable asset: your time). It’s a hell of an uphill war trying to get most of these valuables back once you’ve been robbed of them, and some, you cannot get back at all, particularly your time, so please do yourself the hugest favor you probably can and do not allow yourself to become bound, either short and definitely not long-term, with people, and certainly not men, who will ultimately be the bane of your happy home and your Youniqorn lifestyle. This particular aspect is echoed and covered in more detail in How To Successfully Navigate Romance, Dating, Sex as a Youniqorn. But, in a nutshell, you want Bob the Builder, not SpongeBob Can’t-Keep-My-D*ck-In-My-Pocketless Pants.
  7. Set fundamental rules and boundaries for your home

    that everyone residing within it can not only live with (which is essentially just tolerance) but actually embrace and appreciate because everyone both understands and values the need for those rules and boundaries. Every aspect of life needs structure and regulation if it’s going to be practiced continuously and efficiently. This is especially true for a happy home. This is where living compatibility comes in—following the previous point. This is fundamental to do from the very beginning. This sets expectations from the get-go so no one is surprised, shocked, outraged or disappointed down the line by what you want/allow and what you don’t within your happy home. It’s important and necessary to take the time to really think about these rules because you will have to hold yourself, first and foremost, and any other person you choose to have in your happy home, by extension, accountable and to that standard. These rules will be different for everybody and if something is truly a dealbreaker for you, do not allow anybody else to try to convince you that it is not. And vice versa. Anyone residing in your happy home needs to respect your fundamental rules and boundaries. If they choose to cross them, you may want to reconsider having them in your space. Certainly so if they continue to do so repeatedly in spite of your correction, insistence and wishes. Remember, it is your space and your home and, thus, you have earned the right and freedom to enforce your rules. Again, these are fundamental rules; as in, ones you absolutely need to function and thrive optimally. Ones that ensure you win at life and become wildly successful. The point isn’t to be so strict and rigid that your home becomes a space where no one else wants to be. But it is important that nobody violates your happiness and security or infringes on your freedom and peace in your own home. Again, your home is the one place in the world where you should not have to deal with any of that. If you do choose to share your home with others (a significant other, your kids, your parents/grandparents, a housemate/home mate, a good friend, etc.), allowing everyone to have a say and be heard is as necessary and fundamental as the rules you choose to enforce. Extending your freedoms to others so that they have and enjoy the freedom to have their voices heard and their own opinions taken into consideration (including children, as there is no age requirement to be your own person or an individual) is vital for a happy home. Otherwise, it’s more of a dictatorship. Not to mention, not practical at all. And, if that’s what’s most comfortable for you, you’re better off living by yourself. Be gracious even as you set and enforce your rules and regulations in your happy home. Be kind but firm. Most people tend to respect other’s rights to their space so they will likely oblige if you assert yourself politely. Another great way to set your rules and regulations is to have them up as wall art and decor in different places in your home. For instance, if you have a hard and fast rule about smoking inside your home, you can create a “No Smoking” sign or poster with your own unique spin. If you have hang-ups about leaving the toilet seat up, placing sticker art on the cistern or lid as a colorful and friendly reminder to put the seat down where everyone can effectively see it is a great way to keep that rule enforced so that you don’t have to keep reminding anyone again and again which becomes exhausting and a real drag. That can get old really fast and you do not want to become exasperated by little things like this which will build up over time and wear on you—and your happiness in your home. You can do the same thing if you have a “no shoes inside the house” policy. A fitting welcome mat in front of your door or sign right next to it can easily take care of that. This is particularly helpful when you have guests and company over. These are cute/fun ways to design your space while enforcing structure in your happy home. Regulations dressed up as decor make enforcing them so much more efficient, diplomatic and effective. Not to mention, all the way posh. You will especially enjoy the benefits of this long-term. Seeing your physical designs and wall art will also remind you to stick to your own rules whenever you catch yourself slipping up, so they also hold you accountable to the standard you have set for yourself.

  8. Openly discuss disagreements and differences with those you choose to share your happy home with.

    Do this without hostility or allowing your frustration to get the better of you. Disagreements happen. That’s just a part of life. How you handle them is what matters most. Do not allow home conflicts to build up to the point where they take you out of character or enrage you. Your home should be a space where troubles and problems come to die, not get pumped full of fertilizer. Designate a space in your home for timeouts and cool offs. Sometimes, you just need uninterrupted space and time to yourself to decompress and gather your emotions and thoughts. Having a designated space to do just that when you’re stressed is vital for your emotional and mental well-being. If you find your home being a central battleground for shouting matches and/or passive aggressive exchange, again, you may want to reconsider having the person(s) you keep having these conflicts with live in your home. You cannot be at ease, let alone happy, if your mind is constantly/frequently in defense mode. That is not a state you want to exist in consistently. Again, if you feel you are better suited for solo living and know yourself—and who you want to become—well enough to know that you prefer living alone, it’s better to be honest with yourself and happy doing that instead of browbeating yourself and those you live with. (The exception is if you have minor children with whom you will have to share your happy home until they can legally gain independence from you and get their own).

  9. Stay busy and enjoy life outside your home.

    As joyful and amazing as your happy home is, even if you are a homebody/house hermit, do not shut yourself off from the world. It might be tempting to do that when your home is literally the best place in it, but it shouldn’t be the only place. Comparison may be the thief of joy, but idleness is the bandit of good fortune. When you’re idle, you become bored. And when you’re consistently bored, you will start to find fault in a space—and with the people in it, including yourself—that otherwise make you happy. Leave your home and go for a drive even when you feel like staying indoors. Get out and inhale fresh air at the park or go for a hike even if you feel like lounging in the gaming room or sitting at your kitchen counter. Head to the café a few blocks away to work on that project for a few hours instead of in your home office. It’s easy to miss your happy home when you have to be away from it (while you’re at work, traveling for business, away for school, even on vacation) but you develop an even greater appreciation for your safe space and the fact that you have it when you take intentional breaks of your own choosing from it. You develop a much deeper appreciation and affinity for your home which will make you a lot more grateful and happy that you have it. Besides, if you’re going to skyrocket your net worth, become wildly successful, live the life of your dreams, build wealth or be productive consistently, you should be busy.

Share down below one way you have made or intend to make your home your happy place ♥.

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